Pesto Salmon

This has got to be the most ridiculously easy way to cook delicious salmon. Prep time: 2 minutes. Sit around and do nothing cook time: 20 minutes. Dishes dirtied: 1 knife and a cutting board. I will be placing it in my clutch recipe file. I stole it from http://kalynskitchen.blogspot.com/. It's a pretty fantastic South Beach Diet blog.

• 2 salmon filets
• 4 Tbl pesto (make your own for extra points, but I just used a jar)
• 1 medium tomato, sliced thick- I recommend splurging for the good quality on the vine type
• 1 tsp olive oil
• lemon juice from 1/2 lemon
• aluminum foil

Preheat the oven to 450. Squirt some lemon juice over the fish and let it sit for 5-10 minutes. Alton Brown told me that when a fish dies, it releases chemicals that produce that fishy smell. These chemicals happen to be basic, so squirting something acidic on the fish neutralizes that acid and fixes that fishy smell.
Take about 3 feet of foil and fold it in half. Drizzle that olive oil on it and position the fish on top, squiggling it around to make sure the bottom is covered. Spread the pesto on top of each piece, place the tomato slices on top, and fold the foil to make a pretty little package. Put it in the oven for 15-20 minutes (depending on how thick the fish is) and serve.

-Jackie Nemunaitis

THE Stir Fry

If I've cooked dinner for you lately, there's a 1 in 2 chance that it's been a stir fry. If I was... let's say, sobriety challeneged when I cooked that meal, there's a 3 in 4 chance that it was a stir fry. This is that meal that I can cook with my eyes closed, one hand behind my back, at 2 AM. It also happens to be healthy and tasty. As the name "Stir Fry" implies, you can put anything in this in terms of veggies and proteins, but I'll give the standard recipe that I make most often. I'll be honest, this is going to be some terrible instruction, mainly because I can never keep track of how long it takes to do things like stir fry mushrooms- you just cook them until they're done. That's that. So use common sense, I suppose, if you're idiotic enough to try this after that introduction. It really is super easy.

These amounts will make 4 servings, easily, and it reheats fantastically.

The most important thing you'll need is a packet of Sun Bird General Tso's Chicken Seasoning Mix. It's cheating, I know, but that's sort've the point. Look for it in your Asian food aisle. They have a bunch of flavors, but after trying all of them, this is by far the best.

Additionally...

• soy sauce, about 1/4 c
• 2 tbl brown sugar (omit if low carbing it- it's not necessary)
• 1 Tbl rice vinegar, or water if you don't feel like investing in this
• 1/2 package firm tofu, cut into 1/4 inch cubes
• 2 Tbl olive oil. This is a total estimate. I have no idea how much oil I use... just use enough to keep the food from sticking
• 1 small onion, chopped
• what, like, a handful of frozen, already cooked shrimp
• 5 oz mushrooms, sliced
• 4 cloves garlic, crushed and chopped
• 1/2 can bean sprouts
• 1 c frozen broccoli crowns (go ahead- spend the extra 50 cents for the crowns over the general, stems included broccoli- you deserve it)
• 2 eggs
• 1 c frozen cauliflower
• a dash of cayenne pepper if you like it hot
• 1/4 c peanuts
• 1/4 c green onions

Thaw the frozen stuff however you like. Obviously, you could buy everything fresh and cook it up, but if you're that ambitious, you probably shouldn't bother with this blog. Also, get your sauce ready to go. Mix the sauce packet, soy sauce, rice vinegar (or water), and brown sugar together and set aside.
Heat some oil in a nice big wok over medium high heat. A wok is actually pretty necessary for this. You're going to run out of room if you use a frying pan. Make sure the oil's hot, then add the tofu and onion. I like mine to get pretty crispy, so to accomplish that you have to let the tofu and onions sit in the oil for a minute or so, then turn them with a spatula. If you've never worked with tofu before, it takes practice to cook it how you like it, but if you don't get it perfect, it's not a big deal. A stir fry is a really forgiving way to practice making tofu. When it starts to look a little brown, it's done- like a perfectly roasted marshmallow. After a few minutes with the tofu and onion cooking, add the mushroom, garlic, and cayenne pepper. You may have to add a little more oil here. After a few minutes, when the mushrooms are done to your liking, add the thawed broccoli, cauliflower, and shrimp. Push everything to the side of the wok and add the eggs, scrambling them with your spatula. Let the eggs cook until they're soft, as in not quite done, then mix everything in your wok. You can try the infamous flippy food thing, but you'll probably just make a mess. Now add the sauce and bean sprouts. Stir it all up. If the sauce seems liquidy, just let it cook off some of the water. Garnish each bowl with the green onions and peanuts.
-Jacklyn Nemunaitis

A BIG FAT ROAST CHICKEN

Oh, God, Roast Chicken. A food with so much importance to me that it warrants capitalization. With the singular exception of roast duck, this is without a doubt my favorite meal. It's the ultimate simple yet delicate, unpretentious yet classy, comfort food for one or impressive meal for a group. I've been working very hard at perfecting this dish, and I've pick up a few tricks that I think are worth sharing. In terms of prep work this is... considerably easier than pie. I'll try to tell you how to make the most simple sort of Roast Chicken, but once you get the basics down, there are endless modifications. If you're trying to save on fat and calories and avoiding the skin (which, damnit, probably makes a lot of sense considering how much fat and calories are in the skin... I won't tell you here. If you want to know, look it up yourself. Finding that out was the culinary equivalent of finding out there was no Santa Clause. I don't want to force that burden of truth on anyone) you should still cook the chicken with the skin on- it's critical for sealing in the flavor. Then just remove the skin after it's cooked. You don't add any calories this way, just seal in the juicy goodness.

You go and you get yourself:

1. 1 Chicken for Roasting, 2 1/2-3 1/2 lbs.****
2. 3 Tbl butter, softened- for 2 different purposes
3. 3 cloves garlic, chopped
4. 1/4 c chopped parsley
5. salt and pepper

**** This is important. Don't go for the cheapo chicken. It must say "for roasting" or "for baking." Also, you want it to be relatively small. This means the fat to meat ratio is right on, and your chicken will be plenty succulent. Pay no attention to the 6 lb beast in these pictures. It was all the store had, and I NEEDED Roast Chicken. NEEDED. I have few cravings stronger than my Roast Chicken craving.
Preheat oven to 450. Don't be afraid of the high temperature. It's completely normal.
Make that butter mix first- combo 2 Tbl of the butter, garlic, and parsley in a small bowl.
You want the chicken to be at room temperature when you start messing with it- this ensures that it will cook evenly. Take out all that crap on the inside. Now rinse your chicken inside and out and dry it with a paper towel, or several. You want it as dry as possible. This will help make the skin crispy and allow you to bake rather than steam your chicken. Only masochists like steamed chicken.
Place that chicken breast side up and separate the skin on the breast and thighs from the meat with your fingers. This makes a handy little pocket for you to cram that butter mixture in. Pull the legs together and tie them with a string. I don't really know what the purpose for this is other than to make the bird look pretty, in the traditional sense. I skip this step a lot. Season liberally all over with salt and pepper, using more on the thicker parts.
Put that last 1 Tbl of butter in a roasting pan and pop it in the oven just long enough to melt the butter. Now load the chicken into the pan and stick it in the oven. Leave it there for about 30-35 min. You're going to get antsy and want to check on it. Don't. You'll release the heat. After this time, take the chicken out and flip it using some tongs and whatever heavy machinery you've got lying around. Careful not to splash the hot juices all over yourself; spewing obscenities can cause a scene at dinner parties. Put the chicken back in the oven for another 10-15 minutes, then take it out and flip AGAIN! Flipping lets all the juices distribute to all the right places. Let the chicken cook in that oven for about another 10-15 minutes until it's done, for a total of 50-65 minutes. If you're feeling lucky, you can go with the pop-up timer that comes with it (in my personal experience, this has gotten the cooking time spot on, but it's also completely failed- use with caution) or stick a meat thermometer in the thickest part of the meat while the chicken is cooking- it should read 170 when done. Finally, when you pull it out, let your creation sit on the carving board for at least 15 minutes to let the juices set. This will be hard. It will smell freaking incredible. You can do it. It's worth it.

I made some roast veggies on the side in a separate pan- just chopped cauliflower, some big chunks of red onion, and about 10 cloves of chopped garlic (this is not an exaggeration- I really dig garlic). Tossed it with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and stuck it in the oven with the chicken for about 30 minutes, turning once. Why, Jackie, why didn't you just roast everything in the same pan as the chicken, you ask? Answer: I just don't like how oily the veggies get when they cook in the runoff from the chicken, especially since I plan on saving a lot of it for future eating. Re-heated oily veggies are super gross.
My belly is so full and satisfied. To my mother: Thank you for the quality eating habits. To everyone else: I really just wrote all this to make you super jealous. Bitches.

-Jacklyn Nemunaitis

Something Like Chicken Curry with a Cauliflower Puree

Does adding curry to something make it a curry? I'm really asking. I don't know. Anyway, this is another attempt to pull something creative out of whatever I have in my fridge. I've been craving curry for a while, but I couldn't imagine it could be any good without rice. In desperate times like these, you have to make sacrifices and compromises. I thought I'd try pairing curry with that infamous cauliflower puree that all low-carbers experiment with once in a while because someone told them it was supposed to be like mashed potatoes but really it tastes nothing like mashed potatoes. Lies! It certainly doesn't taste anything like rice, but it did the job- soaked up the sauce, balanced the heat, and was pretty light.

Something Like Chicken Curry

• 3 chicken breasts, boneless, skinless
• 1 med red onion, sliced
• 3/4 c fat free sour cream
• 1 1/2 Tbl lime juice
• 3 Tbl green curry paste *You could probably just use whatever curry spice you have lying around. I personally really dig green curry. You can find it in the Asian food aisle just about anywhere
• 4 sprigs mint, chopped fine
• olive oil
• salt/pepper
• a lil fresh parsley for garnish
• a few pinches cumin*
• a pinch cayenne pepper*

First, get the sauce ready. Stir together the sour cream, lime juice, green curry paste, and mint. Set aside for now.

Heat up the biggest flat bottom skillet you've got on med-high heat with about a Tbl of olive oil. When it's hot, add the onions. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, cumin, and cayenne pepper- these amounts are up to you and how much heat you want. Sautee until they're clear. In the mean time, pound down the chicken breasts until they're all one thickness, but don't destroy them. No need to get them super thin. Salt and pepper both sides. Reduce heat to medium. If your skillet is big enough, shove all the onions to one side, add another Tb of olive oil, and lay down the chicken flat. If your skillet isn't big enough, just take out the onions for now. Let the chicken fry for a couple minutes on both sides, so they're starting to brown. Reduce heat to low, but still simmering. Add the sauce and try to mix it in with the juices coming from the chicken a bit. Put the onions back into the pan and cover. Let that cook up for about 10 minutes. Take the lid off and let the sauce thicken a bit. This is really the key to this recipe. You need the sauce to be decently thick and creamy (of course don't overdo it and make your sauce all caky). This may mean taking the chicken out and setting it aside if it finishes cooking before the sauce is thick. It's worth the extra time. Serve on top of the cauliflower puree with plenty of sauce and onions. Top it off with the parsley.

Cauliflower Puree

You can probably get a more reliable recipe for this off any old low carb website, but I'll tell you how I do it, super easy style.

• 1 bag steamable cauliflower
• 1/4 c fat free sour cream
• 1/4 c fat free mayo
• 2 Tbl cooking sherry*
• salt/pepper to taste

Steam the cauliflower then combo everything in a food processor if you've got one, blender if you don't. If you go the blender route, add little bits of cauliflower at a time. It's kind of a pain in the neck getting this nice and smooth- you'll have to stir it a bit. Start on a low setting until everything's broken up, then switch to ultra super power and GO! until it's creamy.

If you want to be fancy you can roast some fresh cauliflower with garlic and olive oil and use that in your puree. I'd probably do that if I was making this as a stand alone side, but since it's just backdrop, I got all lazy.

Rasberry Mojito Jello

This was quite obviously one of those "what disaster can I make from the crap in my fridge that's about to go bad?" recipes. College students- you know what's up. It's times like these I'm glad blogs don't have editors. For 10 calories, 0 carbs, and a scavenger hunt through my fridge, this was a very nice little treat. It made my tongue all tingly. If you serve it to others, I'd recommend actually using a mint leaf as garnish. It helps get the mint scent across.

• 1 package instant rasberry sugar free jello (that's what I had in my cupboard- if I made this again, I'd definitly use lime jello)
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup soda water
• the juice from 1 lime
• about 4 sprigs of mint, chopped coarsely

Set the water to boil, then in a metal bowl put the jello and chopped mint. When your water's singing add it to the bowl and stir to dissolve the jello. Put a plate on top to cover and let it sit for another 3 minutes or so. My theory is that this lets the mint oil get into the jello without letting the jello set. I don't know if this really makes sense. Afterwards, send this mixture through a wire mesh strainer into another bowl. Add the soda water and lime juice. Pour it into serving containers and fridgerate. I thought it filled 3 wine glasses generously. I also made a fantastic mess, so if you have a bowl with a spout of some sort, I recommend using that. I think this is best eatin' when it's still soft set- after about 1 1/2 hours, depending on your fridge. I'm pretty psyched to make this into jello shots at the next appropriate gathering.

Pesto Stuffed Chicken Breast

This isn't exactly your "light summer chicken" recipe. It doesn't mess around. I ate mine with a simple side salad, and that's just what it needed. I also think it's not quite as bad for you as the ingredients list will make it sound- most of the fat cooks off when you bake it. Also, the low/no fat version of everything works fine. This recipe is surprisingly quick and easy, and produces very few dirty dishes, which is always nice. What you'll need:

• 2 chicken breasts, fat trimmed (A note about chicken breasts- I have always found that the most tender chicken I cook is from the frozen aisle. It's counter intuitive, but has never failed me).
• 1/3 c pesto (store bought or home made, if you're into that sort of thing)
• 1/3 c mozzarella cheese
• 1.5 tbl mayo
• 1/3 c Parmesan cheese, grated
• 2-3 cloves garlic, sliced* (I only recommend this if you share my boundless infatuation with garlic)

Preheat your oven to 375. You need to pound the chicken breasts flat. If you've never done this, just place one between 2 sheets of saran wrap and pound away with a kitchen mallet, or just something flat and heavy. Go ahead and release a little aggression. You want it as flat as possible without demolishing it- no more than 1/4 inch thick. Now mix the mozzarella, mayo, and pesto together. Spread this on the more raggedy side of the chicken, then roll it up. You may need a toothpick to hold it together, but this has never been an issue for me. Place the chicken in a baking dish, coated with cooking spray. Take that Parmesan and coat the chicken, pressing it in so it sticks. Top the chicken with the sliced garlic, if you're so daring. Put it in the oven for about 45 minutes, although you'll want to check on it around 40 minutes, and it might take a little longer. It all depends on how big the chicken breasts were that you purchased. You want the chicken to be firm to the touch. The garlic and cheese will be starting to brown. If you're not too concerned about calories, drizzle some of the cooked off sauce over the top.

Next time I make this, I think I'll add some chopped mushrooms to the filling. I think that would be a really nice touch.

Less a Recipe, More a Recommendation: Elvis Costello's Favorite Spinach Dip

My mom has always put this dip out at family gatherings or football games, and it's always a crowd pleaser. When I called to ask for the recipe, expecting it to be some magical secret passed down for generations, she just told me to buy a package of this:

It's all on the label, and is probably the only recipe that I follow to a tee. I won't bother reproducing the recipe here, because you're going to have to buy the soup mix, but it's essentially spinach, mayo, sour cream, water chestnuts, and whatever magic is contained in that packet. I used low calorie/low fat everything and couldn't tell a difference. It's especially delicious when served out of a loaf of pumpernickel. In the past I've had a lot of trouble finding whole loaves of pumpernickel that I can hollow out, and my expectations of success on this island (where "going clothes shopping" means a trip to Target and we don't exactly have Jewish bakeries on every corner) were low. Leave it to Wal-Mart to once again save my ass with their overload of variety. It's also great (and low-carb friendly) with raw broccoli and cauliflower.

Not the prettiest picture, but I was having a hard time sneaking one in before my brother dug in and got his greedy fingers all over my shot.

Another completely unrelated recommendation that is useless to any non-Galvestonites: the mahi-mahi at the fish market right now is amazing.

Multicultural Stuffed Portabello

If you're low-carbing it, and find yourself in the grips of a pizza desperation, this is a more than adequate alternative. It's pretty damn good no matter what you're dietary status is. You'll need:

1. portabello mushroom caps- I recommend the biggest you can find
2. 8 oz Italian sausage- I use turkey for calorie/fat sake, and I really can't tell the difference
3. 1 small onion, chopped
4. 3 cloves garlic, crushed*
5. 1 poblano pepper, chopped*****
6. mozarella cheese - here's where the extra calories are probably worth it. If you can't bring yourself to get the real stuff, at least avoid the super skim milk version.
7. 1/4 c fresh parsley, chopped*
8. cooking spray/olive oil
9. salt and pepper

*****A word about poblano peppers: I'm a huge fan of the seasonings in Italian sausage, but poblano peppers have this incredible smokiness that I cannot get enough of. I do my best to weasle poblanos into every recipe I can, and this is no exception. It is, however, a somewhat tricky ingredient. First of all, I HIGHLY recommend using gloves if you're going to be slicing them open. Trust me. I've cooked some up, showered, dinner partied, then attempted to take out my contacts, only to end the evening in writhing agony, all Polyphemus-like. Second, there's a lot of variation in the strength of flavor in these guys. Sweetness, heat, flavor are never the same in poblanos, and I am not aware of a method to deduce this without tasting them. I say 1 poblano for this recipe, which is usually correct, but I recommend taking a taste test to see just how much you want to add.

On with the recipe.
Preheat the oven to 400, and start prepping the mushrooms. Cut the stems so they're equal in height to the walls of the mushroom, then with a spoon, carefully shell out the gills. Put all this byproduct in a medium-sized bowl- you'll use this for all the stuffing. Spray a glass pan with cooking spray, or brush it with olive oil, and put the mushroom top side down on the pan. Bake for 10 minutes, then flip them to stem side down and bake for another 5 minutes.

While this is happening, work on the stuffing. Brown the Italian sausage in a frying pan, breaking it up with your spatula. Once that's done, scoop it out of the pan and onto a papertowl to absorb some of the grease. I use the grease left in the pan to fry up the onion, garlic, and poblanos, but feel free to drain it off if it seems like too much (especially if you're using non-turkey sausage). Fry the veggies until they're tender and the poblano tastes more sweet than hot. Add a little salt and pepper to taste. Now put all the veggies, the cooked meat, and parsley into your bowl previously designated as the stuffing container. Add about 1/4 c mozzarella cheese. Mix everything up, then stuff it into your cooked mushrooms. Fit as much as you can, packing down if necessary. You'll probably have a lot leftover, but this stuffing makes a KILLER omelette the next morning. Top each mushroom with a thick coat of cheese, I'll say about 1/4 cup each. Put everything back in the oven for another 5 minutes, then flip it over to broil. Broil your meal for a few minutes until you see that golden-brown color. I like mine pretty crispy...

A Soapbox Entry: Salt

Salt was an epiphany for me. It's probably the most integral ingredient in any kitchen in any nation in the world, and yet I used to casually leave it out of my recipes thinking I was "cutting back on my sodium intake." This entry is not meant to debunk any myth about how bad high sodium diets are for you- 150 hours of studying for a cardiovascular exam have taught me quite the opposite. I would, however, like to point out one misconception that has given salt a bad rap. This adorable little graphic from The Mayo Clinic illustrates nicely where our high sodium intake comes from:

The point I'm trying to make is that if you're consuming too much sodium, it's not from the extra dash here and there in your cooking, and if you're cooking with real, natural ingredients, then you're probably not getting too much sodium.

That being said, allow me to elaborate on how wonderful salt is. There's a reason that nearly every recipe, from casserole to curry to cookies calls for salt. You do not add salt to foods to make them taste like salt. In fact, you shouldn't taste "salt" at all. The point of this magic ingredient is to crystallize the flavors- to make them bold, independent, and sparkly. Once I got over my society-bred salt phobia and started adding salt to my food, I began to realize its true power. Adding salt just turns up the volume on whatever it is you're cooking. The draw back, of course, is that once you've added too much salt, it's almost impossible to go back. It's a critical ingredient, but you walk a very fine line, hence the irreplaceable importance of the taste test. If you've been hesitant, just try it out, in small doses. There's a reason an entire portion of your tongue is devoted to this flavor.

Exam Week Staples: Mushroom Chicken Soup

It may not look like much, but this soup has gotten me through some long, dark, unbelievably boring days, when my culinary repertoire is limited by time and attention span, with the possible exception of my caffeine source. I find myself making it nearly every exam for several reasons: 1. I can make a huge batch at once, 2. It's reasonably healthy and hearty (when compared to some of my other test week staples, namely coffee and string cheese), and 3. I almost always have the ingredients I need stashed away. Here's what you'll need:

1. a container of mushrooms, sliced
2. 1 medium onion, chopped
3. a few cloves of garlic, chopped*
4. 1 1/2 cups chicken stock - I just reconstitute mine from the bouillion cubes so I don't have to worry about keeping cans of stock... uh... in stock. Yup. Obvious pun resisted! Congratulate me!
5. 1/2 cup cooking sherry
6. a TB or so of olive oil
7. 1 cup chopped up, cooked chicken -either leftovers, or I buy bags of pre-cooked chicken that you can keep in the freezer. They're always really tender.
8. 1 cup broken up cauliflower, steamed - again, frozen is the way to go. Just pop it in the microwave and you don't have to worry about cooking it.
9. a couple shakes of dried basil*
10. 1 bay leaf*
11. 1/4 cup cream*
12. salt and pepper, naturally

*I've always had a habit of skipping ingredients in recipes when I was either too cheap or too lazy to purchase them. Sometimes this works out fine, and sometimes it ruins the whole thing, so from now on, I'll always * ingredients that are not absolutely necessary.

Now that all this is in list format, and I'm not just haphazardly tossing stuff in a pot, this seems like a lot of stuff, but it's all stuff that I always seem to have in my kitchen.

If you're going the bouillion route, go ahead and reconstitute a cube according to the instructions so you'll have it ready. Next, fry up the onions, garlic, and mushrooms in a little olive oil on medium-high heat until everything's tender. Put these cooked veggies into a blender along with the chicken stock (the cubes usually make more liquid than you actually need) and sherry. You may have to do this in batches. Go ahead and play with the amounts of liquid you add, depending on how thick you want your soup to be. Use your nose to guide how much sherry you should add- it's probably a better guide than my crappy estimate. And don't worry about adding too much- you'll have a chance to cook off that alcohol taste a bit later on. Now pulverize this mixture until it's absolutely creamy. This might take a few minutes. Add the cream, basil, and salt and pepper, then pour the mixture into a saucepan along with the bay leaf and set it on medium heat, stirring occasionally. If you're using frozen cauliflower and chicken, go ahead and thaw it in the microwave, then put it in the pot with the rest of the soup. Take your time here to play with the flavors until you've got it how you want it. If you taste too much sherry, just let it cook off. That's the best part about soup- you've got tons of flexibility with the subtle flavors, so you can make it just right. This will make about 4 filling bowls, and it reheats perfectly.

Low Carb Blueberry Cheesecake

Somehow I'm allowed to eat this and call it dieting. Would I serve this to my too-skinny-to-diet circle of friends and try to pass it off as a legit cheesecake? Probably not. I could do better. Would I serve this to a hypothetical obese, diabetic friend? Probably not. They would eat the whole thing in one sitting. To someone abstaining from sugar for over a month, this is quite the indulgence.

Preheat your oven to 325 and set out 2 blocks of cream cheese so they can reach room temperature by the time you need them. This will make your life a lot easier.

Now take about 4 oz of crushed up pecans and mix them with a 1/2 stick of butter and 1 TB of imitation sugar. Spread this inside your pie pan, covering the bottom evenly. Set that aside.

Using a mixer, blend:

1. 2 blocks of cream cheese
2. about a TB of vanilla (I used clear vanilla so your cheesecake looks pretty)
3. imitation sugar to taste (I used about 1 cup, I think. It depends on how sweet you like your cheesecake)
4. 2 eggs, added one at a time
5. Next time I make this, I'll probably add a little lemon peel as well, which I think would add a little zing.

Blend until smooth- if your cream cheese isn't at room temperature, this will be difficult. Finally, fold in about a pint of blueberries. I left a handful in the container to use as garnishes. I broke up the blueberries a little bit with my spoon just to get some pretty blueberry juice swirl in the cheesecake. Place in the oven for 30-35 minutes.

While your cheesecake is baking, make the sour cream topping, which is just:

1. 1/2 cup sour cream
2. another tsp of vanilla
3. about 1/4 of imitation sugar

After your cheesecake has baked for 30-35 minutes, pull it out and spread the sour cream topping on, then put it back in the oven for another 7 minutes. Let the cheesecake cool in the fridge before you binge eat the whole thing.

Heavenly Sole and Damn Good Broccoli

Heavenly Sole

I'll bite it off with one of my Mama's famous recipes. I feel good about myself when I get my fish from the local "fresh off the boat" fishery on Harborside, plus it tastes good and is super cheap. This recipe is really fast, almost impossible to screw up, and will make people who don't like fish beg for more. Really, any white fish will do, but I'd recommend thinner fillets.

I'll give amounts for 2 fillets, which should feed 2...

Squirt some fresh lemon on a couple fillets of fish, sprinkle some salt and pepper as you wish, and let it sit for 15 minutes. Then broil it in the oven until it flakes... 10 minutes or so. In the meantime, mix together:

1. 1/2 cup of mayonnaise
2. 1/2 cup parmesan cheese
3. 1/4 cup chopped green onions
4. a couple drops of your favorite hot sauce to taste
5. more salt and pepper, if you feel like it.

When the fish is flaky, pull it out of the oven and just smother it with this mixture. Really. It might seem like you've got way too much, but you don't. Use it all. Glob it on, and you'll still wish you had just a bit more. Put the fish back in the oven for another 2 minutes or so, until the sauce is starting to get that pretty brown color.

Damn Good Broccoli

Now for the side, and not just any side. 3 entirely seperate people have mentioned this recipe to me, claiming it's the best broccoli they've had in their life. For some insane reason, I only just now made it for myself, and probably won't stop making it. Ever. I put this second, but you should get started on it first- it takes longer, and can stand to be reheated while the fish is broiling, if necessary.

You'll want 3-4 heads of broccoli. This is more than enough for 2 people, but you'll want leftovers. The only tricky thing is that it's critical that you make sure the broccoli's dry. Completely. Preheat your oven to 425.

On a cookie sheet, toss the broccoli with olive oil, salt, and pepper, and 4-5 sliced cloves of garlic until it's good and covered. Oven it up for 35-45 minutes until the broccoli's starting to brown.

Diversion: I once saw on Alton Brown that when you crush garlic, you release enzymes that stimulate the creation of the burn associated with garlic. If you don't crush it, the flavor is more sweet. For this recipe, I'd say slice, don't crush.

Once you take out the broccoli, toss it with a few more ingredients:

1. another tablespoon or so of olive oil
2. the zest and juice of 1 lemon
3. 1/3 cup of parmesan cheese
4. some chopped basil*
5. toasted pine nuts*

*4 and 5 are definitly optional... if you really want to treat yourself. But if you're cheap and start making this broccoli every other night for dinner, they can be cut.

Lustful.

Bear with me.

Allow me to express in this introduction what my otherwise useless humanities degree taught me to consider when beginning such a thing.

1. My intention: to stop my new-found habit of polluting facebook with pictures of food via a superficial translocation.

2. My audience: Me, the first time I made any of these recipes. Allow me to break dogma and apologize now for what may seem like condescension, but I'm really a dumbass, and it takes me a couple tries to get most recipes right.

3. Thesis (naturally): Here's some stuff I cooked, and I thought it tasted good, so I want to spread the word.

4. A caveat: Ok, I admit, I'm going through a low-carb phase right now, so my meals will reflect that. It doesn't change the way I cook all that much, but it might explain some ridiculous ingredient substitutions and omissions of a starch component.

5. A second caveat: I'm so damn lazy. I hate measuring stuff, so most of these recipes will include phrases like, "season to taste", "whatever seems right", "eyeball that shit."

I feel better now.